Do you want to be young again?

I had a brief opportunity to chat with some teenagers, and they asked me, "Do you want to be young again?"

 

"Yes, no, um... I’m not sure." I kept changing my answer and, in the end, I couldn't give a definitive response.

 

My initial "yes" came out without a second thought.

"Everyone wants to be young again, right? Isn’t it only natural to want that?"

 

The second "no" was a contradiction to my first answer. I thought wanting to be young again was obvious, but when the question "why" popped into my head, I found it hard to answer. Like in novels or dramas, it would be great to go back to the past with all the knowledge I have now, but the idea of my younger self living in today’s world is something that requires more thought.

 

To be honest, I don’t have the confidence.

 

I don’t think I could handle the economic hardships of my teenage years all over again in today’s reality. I’m not sure my wandering, lost 20s would survive in the present.

 

I couldn’t give a clear answer to "Do you want to be young again?" on the spot, but writing this has helped me realize something.

 

I like where I am now. If I were in my early 20s again, I’m not confident that I could live the next 20 years to become who I am today. I’m not sure I could meet anyone better than my current wife, or that I’d be able to build a family with two children.

 

Who I am now is the result of who I was in the past. The fact that I don’t have the confidence to create a better version of myself than I am now might just be proof that I’ve lived my life with all my effort.